i'll go.

this weekend was one of the biggest weekends in the salvation army calendar. the commissioning and ordination of the salvation army officers. it's my favorite time of year. seeing people who have over come all obstacles and laying down their lives to follow the call of Christ on their lives.


i've been spreading this really cool advice lately, advice that i said was more for 'them' than for me. it's something like this:

don't feel like you need to wait to be in a relationship and heading to marriage to start your ministry. start your ministry and obey what God calls you to do and through that he will provide what/who you need. don't wait for the partner, start right away in what God wants you to do.

good advice i believe. but advice that i've been unwilling to really accept. in the last two days that has changed. and now this is where i stand:

i'll go, whenever, wherever, with or without someone, i'll go. it's not about my will, it's about is, it's not about my insecurities it's about his overwhelming power. there is no response to his grace that makes sense, other than to obey, no matter what the cost.

i see no logical response to the grace of God than to do what he has called me to do. 

-- so let's see where he leads me.

 

 

i know nothing

the last few months have taught me something, i know nothing. i'm not as smart as i like to think i am, i don't have answers to anything. i don't understand why good things happen, don't understand why bad things happen. i don't understand why relationships end, friendships end, why people let you down. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. but i know a few things. God is good through it all.

God loves you. So much. He loves you so much.

No matter what you've done.

No matter how many lies you've told.

No matter how many people you've slept with.

No matter how many joints you've smoked, beers you've downed. 

No matter what you do or what you will do.

God loves you. So much. He loves you so much.

No matter how many swear words you say.

No matter how many people you hit.

No matter how many tests you cheated on.

No matter how many people you've hurt.

God loves you.

He loves you so much that he doesn't want you to go to hell.

We all deserve hell. But God sent his son, Jesus, to die so that we didn't have to die for our sins.

Now all we have to do is die to our sins and live for Jesus.

It doesn't mean that nothing bad will happen.

It doesn't mean that the storms won't come.

That people won't hurt you.

That sickness won't come.

But when those things happen, you are attached to a fixed point.

You won't be moved. 

Because God loves you. So much. And he will hold you through your pain.

He's the best. He wants to spend as much time as he can with you. He would do anything to save you. He died the worst death to save you.

And when you love things more than you love God, he is jealous for you. He just wants to overwhelm you with his love.

there's a guy...

there's this guy.

he calls me beautiful everyday.

when i think of other guys he get's jealous.

when i worry more about what my friends think he hates it.

he doesn't doubt the good i can do.

he still loves me when i hurt him.

i never have to start the conversation coz he's always eager to talk to me.

when i ignore him he waits for me.

he's never lied to me.

he's never denied me.

he always listens to me even when i'm being ridiculous.

he laughs at my stupid jokes.

he tells me to be quiet when i've said enough.

he loves me even when i say too much.

he always keeps his promises.

he never chooses someone else over me.

he wants to see me live up to my full potential.

he intercedes for me.

he tells me the truth, even when i don't want to hear it.

he knows exactly what to say to make me laugh.

he knows exactly what to say to stop my tears.

he's a gentleman.

he knows exactly what to do to stop my doubts.

even when i'm angry at him, he still throws all his love on me.

he promised me he'd never leave me.

he trusts me.

he loves me so much that not only would he lay his life down for me, but he did.

he has never broken my heart, but loves those who do.

he knows all of my secrets.

he knows everything i've done.

he holds me tight when i'm falling apart.

he sings to me everyday.

he made the sun shine for me today.

he reminds me of his promises when he throws up a rainbow.

he's my best friend in the whole world.

so i won't worry about tomorrow because i'm trusting in him. my heart is his.

brutal.

i sometimes wish that i was the kind of person who brutally fights for what they want. not just when you go to a shop and fight for those size nine heals that you saw first. not just fighting to be with someone that you love. but fighting the good fight like paul wrote about in the bible. i want to be brutal. i want to be fierce. i would love to be intimidating. but really, most of all, i would love to be the kind of person who fights for what they want. there are things i want that i let slip away because being passive is easy, losing things is easy, once their lost it's hard to accept that, but fighting can be scary. and i have my fears, so many of them. so i want to be brutal and fight. i want to fight for what i want. and what i want is to have a heart for what God wants. 

GOD WANTS:

- everyone to encounter his love

- everyone to have a home

- everyone to live in freedom

- everyone to be released into his joy

- everyone to be fed

- everyone to have water

- everyone to be free of addictions

- everyone to be free from sickness

i want to want what God wants. i want to fight for it. i want to fight for justice so that every person can live under the freedom that comes from Christ and what he did. i want to fight for his love so that all can encounter it and know it, carrying that love inside me and allowing it to over flow into every aspect of my life. i want to fight for joy when happiness and other things in the world fail, for the joy of the lord to be the strength of the people, my strength. i want to fight for equality so that every person can have a meal, so that no one will go hungry and they will have the availability to the right of food. i want everyone to have clean water so that children won't die of sicknesses that are brought on by unclean water. i want to fight for a world that is free of addiction because in the kingdom of heaven there is no addiction and i am living within the kingdom. i want to fight for people to be healed from sickness in the name of Jesus because no matter where we are healing is in his hands.

"anyone who sets himself up as religious by talking a good game is self deceived. this kind of religion is hot air and only hot air, real religion, the kind that pleases God the Father is this: reach out the homeless and the loveless and guard against corruption from the Godless world, I can't stand your religious meetings, I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions, I want nothing to do with your religion projects, your pretentious slogans and goals. I'm sick of your fundraising schemes and public relations and image making. I've had all I can take of your noisy ego music when was the last time you sung to me? do you know what I want, I want justice, oceans of it, I want fairness, rivers of it. that's what I want. that's all I want."

While women weep, as they do now, I'll fight; while little children go hungry, as they do now, I'll fight; while men go to prison, in and out, in and out, as they do now, I'll fight; while there is a drunkard left, while there is a poor lost girl upon the streets, while there remains one dark soul without the light of God, I'll fight-I'll fight to the very end!

-- william booth

so let's get brutal. the kingdom of heaven is forcefully advancing. and forceful people take hold of it. let's be brutal.

new song again.

so this is my twenty minute effort of writing elsie a song.
she didn't ask me to write her a song.
that would be pathetic.

enjoy :)