Jesus Wins

.i was thinking in the car about what my testimony is.




i've grown up in the salvation army, with parents who have served and lived within the army as well. growing up i've been blessed to grow up being taught about Jesus and who he is and what he did, what that means for me and the whole world. 
when i was eight years old i had my first (that i recall) personal encounter with God, it was at the Hillsong Conference in Sydney. from then i prayed all the time and loved being at church worshipping with my family and friends. i still remember standing next to mum listening to her sing the harmonies in all the songs. 
so i had a lot of head knowledge of what it was to be a Christian and what it meant to be saved. there was a lot of knowledge and i loved to learn about God but it was always more head than heart.
when i was sixteen i went to eastern victoria youth councils, there i sat, talking to God, telling him to move in my friends lives, because they clearly needed him and weren't close to him. then all of a sudden i felt an overwhelming sense of Gods voice telling me that i needed him too. so with the song 'it is well with my soul' being sung by all the campers i fell to my knees in tears and repented and asked God to completely enter me. i gave him everything. that was an amazingly smart decision :)
life was not perfect after that, i struggled with friendships, with family situations, with school, self doubt, there was a lot that i still struggled with, but God had my heart and that was good.
when i was seventeen, in november and december of 2010, i was all of a sudden hating everything. i was angry all the time. everything and anything set me off, i'd yell, i'd cry. it got to the point where i couldn't sleep in my room. i was actually scared to be in my room, luckily my sisters room was right next door and she was rarely in it. and when she was, there was the couch. so at the time, it was great coz i didn't have to worry about going in my room a lot coz i had other places to sleep. one night me and my mum were at a dinner party and i just sat there, mum knew stuff was going on, that something was wrong. but i couldn't talk about it, i had no words, i just hated everything. the worst i can remember this all getting was one night when mum came into my room with me and asked me if i wanted to talk about whatever was scaring me, i said no. she asked if we should pray, i was even more scared and said no, walked out and said i had to go have a shower. looking back, it's hard to believe that i could ever be in such a dark place, but i lay on the floor of my shower and the thoughts of fear and hatred kept flooding in, i didn't want to live anymore. for whatever reason.
so.positive thing. when all of this was 
going on, and i was scared and felt no 
connection to God i still would sing praises
to him. all the time. at every church service,
at every event, in the car, i would still sing
praises to God. and that's because even 
though i could not feel him, the knowledge
of his existence was enough for me. in my
moment of utter desperation and loneliness
the fact that i didn't think i could feel God
wasn't the issue. his existence was worthy
of praise. my perception of absence from
his presence sucked. but i still would worship
in whatever way i could, his goodness never
ended. his love for me never ended. even 
when i felt like dying. he is the same every day.


okay, so at commissioning 2010, all this was going on and as i had been doing a lot i was in tears, my friend hannah was with me and was like... yo man what's happening? my old youth pastor was found and he came over and spoke to me. he asked me what was going on and i told him how scared i was and how crap everything was. how i was too scared to sleep in my room. he asked me if i'd been praying, i said yeah. he asked to who, i looked up and said... to, um... him. he looked at me again and said... to WHO? from what i'm told, my face looked like not my face, it had rebelion in it. i couldn't say the name of Jesus. i was prayed for and by the end of the time these people were praying for me, i just kept saying 'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...' it was great! 
after this i went into my room with someone and we prayed, trying to figure out what it was that had scared me out of my room. after praying and praying, a book came to both our minds. this book had talked about evil spirits, witchery, things that are not of God. i stopped reading this book after reading about this girl who was dabbling in these things (the girl did turn her life around into the hands of God, HALLELUJAH!) but i didn't read up to that bit, i stopped at the evil stuff she did get into. i took the book outside, tore it up, burnt it. got rid of it. 
JESUS JESUS JESUS JESUS.


i think that something that i learnt from this, less than fun experience. is that spiritual warfare is so so so real. but that we have full victory in Jesus. in the bible it says that every power on earth and in the spiritual world is commanded by the name of Jesus. time and time again this is shown in the bible and in the world today.


so where i'm at now, testimonily... well:

i am chosen. i am free. i am living in the kingdom. for the kingdom. for Christ. 
Jesus won. Jesus wins. Jesus is winning.

elsie.alexandria.currie.

c u r r i e -- just in case you're wondering

this is my best friend elsie alexandria currie. 

it is her sixteenth birthday today. 

to celebrate i will write an accrostic poem!

Excellent 

Loud
Sassy
Idiot
Enjoyable

Awkward
Loser
Entertaining
Xylophone 
Amusing
Negro
Dork
Rad
Intelligent (ha.)
Awesome

Creative
Unique
Raucous
Respectful
Illegal
Educated

we love the beach, especially together. like when we went
away to angle sea together and caught crabs. ate ice cream
saw 'the dillema' which was such a dilema. we stayed up
watching girly movies, old classics and we had the best summer. 

                                

it is her birthday today. she is now sixteen years old. sweet sixteen. she's the sweetest of the sixteens. in our time as friends we've had some tears. some annoying moments and some hilarious ones. we've adopted each others families as the others. we've talked boys. we've talked friends. we've talked 'friends'. we've gotten

                                                      to the point where we finish each

                                                      others sentences. we look at each other 

                                                     and know what the other is thinking.

                                                     we know how cool we are so you dont

have to tell us, or be jealous but lets face
it, who wouldn't be? she always looks out for me even when i don't want her to and i trust her with everything. i've been blessed to go on trips with her whether it be to 24 hour kmart or to anglesea, blessed to pray with her and have her pray with me. playing songs together on piano, singing out  
                                                      of tune in emilio, rapping to my fave
                                                      song. i've never had anyone in my life
                                                      who knows me as well as my mate elsie
                                                      she is my christina yang.

happy birthday elsie!

love you long time best friend.

to sir, with love.

Those schoolgirl days of telling tales and biting nails are gone
But in my mind I know they will still live on and on
But how do you thank someone who has taken you from crayons to perfume?
It isn't easy, but I'll try

If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters
That would soar a thousand feet high 'To Sir, With Love'

The time has come for closing books and long last looks must end
And as I leave I know that I am leaving my best friend
A friend who taught me right from wrong and weak from strong
That's a lot to learn, but what can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start
But I would rather you let me give my heart 'To Sir, With Love'

so basically school is almost over, the year is almost over. that's a little thing. but today is my best friend in the worlds birthday! and i was listening to this song and thinking about her for a heap of these lyrics.

there are others that i was thinking about in this song. you read it. you know who you are. fool.

it's this whole concept of: a friend who taught me right from wrong, and weak from strong, that's a lot to learn, what can i give you in return.

--elsie currie. one of those friends who tells you to shut up
when you are talking crap. or tells you what she thinks even
if it's not what you want to hear. she's so flipping strong. and
she helps me be strong too. best. ever. cool.

how do you thank someone who has taken you from crayons to perfume-- how do you thank someone who helped you grow up. who has changed your life. well, 'it isn't easy but i'll try'

i'm grateful to a crap load of people for how they've taught me things in life.

the last four months.

these last four months of my life have been ridiculous. i haven't written about them because when stuff was so good, it was like... my secret. my little joy that was just for me, that i didn't have to share with the world. but then when things were crappy, i didn't want to write because i hate that whiny girl who complains about stuff on the internet. 

but i guess this song really hits home at the moment. stuff is over now. 'the time has come for closing books and long last looks must end'. it's over, whether it's good or bad, it's over now, it's time. 'and as i leave i know that i am leaving my best friend'.

so... yeah. august is almost over and these last few months are done. the feelings, the hurt, even the ridiculous amount of happiness. those things are gone. and because i wouldn't write about them in my journal. this post is pretty much the evidence that stuff was perfect, for a few hours beneath the trees.

... this has dragged on. so to close. all i have to say is....

if you wanted the sky i would write across the sky in letters that would soar a thousand feet high: 'To Sir, With Love'

january.

so i was thinking about this year. and the fact that it's gone pretty quickly. that a lot has happened and changed.
also i've realised that i stopped blogging because it got to the point where even though so much was going i never could write about it. my journal which was filled on every page has some significantly blank pages now. because writing about what was happening seemed to make it all look too real. if you write it down then maybe the dream will end or you'll realise it's all too good to be true. whatever it was that stopped me writing. i think i need to start writing again. yep. so here's a bit of writing.

the past is a very long time ago

new years was fun. the first day of the year i spent sleeping while watching vampire diaries with my best friend.
the 2nd of january i finished reading my devotion book that talked about how God created men and women.
3rd january. i had a teenage moment where i thought my parents were the enemy.
4th january. i got to have a great time with one of my closest friends.
5th january. i watched this mega depresso but uber romantic movie called bright star, elsie saw titanic for the first time with me, jordan, chris, luke, joel, hollie and clare.
6th january. i watched the stupid depressing movie again and was reminded that i need to wait on Gods timing and remember that waiting for love is worth it, waiting on God is worth it.
7th january. i flew to sydney, to go to kingdom come. i ate a pink person doughnut, me and a friend made up after not talking for a while. Romans 8:28, 31, 34, 37-39. -- we are raised again in Christ as conquorers, as he conqured sin.
8th january: i went to an aquarium, i apparently made out with a dugong, we caught a ferry, i remembered that we need to have no idols, every part of us must be for God. Salvation is impossible through a person.
9th January: we went to the Auburn Salvation Army, and it was really fun. Let's plunder hell and populate heaven. our God saves. i prayed for release from dodgy stuff, and it happened. i rememberd that sin is a waste of time.
10th January: First day of Kingdom Come. Me and Sammy Davis made some really cool friends. 'God needs to be the only name that awakens my soul. the only name that makes me go crazy love aaahhhh' . i realised that maybe i had a crush.
11th january: 'we were made for a reason, we were made to drink from his well and we'll never be thirsty, we were made in his image, we were made to be wise, and to love, and to forgive and to hope and have faith.' today i sung in front of everyone at kingdom come. crush on a boy. hilarious. i wrote today about how much i love my friend sam matear.
12th january: me and sammy davis had a hilarious girly giggly crushin on boy moment on this day. seriously. life.was.so.simple.and.fun. me and elsie hugged, we cried. strange occurances.
13th January: 'sin is broken, death is defeated' last day of kingdom come.
14th january: looking back on this day in the journal, i didn't realise that some things i felt more recently where things i had thought about back at the start of the year. funny how you when you get your hearts desires sometimes it ends i guess.
15th january: i was on these medicationy things that made me really tired, so i slept a lot, woke up, sent a message while barely being concious, then when i was ACTUALLY awake, was mega embaressed. harhar. fun.
16th january: went to anglesea with the currie family today :)
17th january: another day in anglesea with my second family. thinking about love and what it would be like to be in love. watched the freakiest movie EVER. had an awesome day with elsie and the family :)
18th January: a little crush on a boy best friend. that was the complication. that didn't even matter. because life was fun, me and elsie watched Breakfast at Tiffany's and elsie's dog loves me better than he loves her. and i went fishing with elsie and rod. so.much.fun.
19th january: haha seriously for me this is entertaining, my big thought of the day? a boy said i was pretty. oh and the issue of the day... i may be a little bit jealous
20th January: today was the best we went to the beach with pete, sam, ham, britt. it was the best. except that me and elsie got crazy burnt
21st January: when harry met sally is a great movie. 'penguins are the neil patrick harris of the animal kingdom'
22nd january: came home from anglesea and me and elsie helped bec buy something to wear to her 21st. there was one more day until michael proposed to bec. i'd known for weeks.
23rd january: my sister got proposed to today, the start of a new chapter in her and michaels life.
24th january: i love laughing, watching funny videos on youtube. that's what i did all day.
25th January: i love music, that's what i thought about, music.
26th January: today i hung out with elsie, liam, josh and sam. we had a picnic, we danced, we played on the trampolines, we watched a movie. some of the greatest friends.
27nd January: okay, year 12 camp is gay. but i have some great friends and i am really blessed to have great friends
28th January: i didn't want to go back to school.
29th January: becs party, 'i won't worry about tomorrow, giving you my fears and sorrows, where you lead me i will follow' God transforms ordinary people into extraordinary useful tools that he can use by his power and grace
30th January: i am chosen i am free i am living for eternity
31st January: 7th Heaven is the greatest show ever!!! i have an amazing family, i have amazing friends, i have great stuff. life is good.

so january was good.

new song

so i wrote a new song.
and it's pretty much just everything i'm thinking with some chords attached.

side note: i'm really sick. and not sounding my best