there's a guy...

there's this guy.

he calls me beautiful everyday.

when i think of other guys he get's jealous.

when i worry more about what my friends think he hates it.

he doesn't doubt the good i can do.

he still loves me when i hurt him.

i never have to start the conversation coz he's always eager to talk to me.

when i ignore him he waits for me.

he's never lied to me.

he's never denied me.

he always listens to me even when i'm being ridiculous.

he laughs at my stupid jokes.

he tells me to be quiet when i've said enough.

he loves me even when i say too much.

he always keeps his promises.

he never chooses someone else over me.

he wants to see me live up to my full potential.

he intercedes for me.

he tells me the truth, even when i don't want to hear it.

he knows exactly what to say to make me laugh.

he knows exactly what to say to stop my tears.

he's a gentleman.

he knows exactly what to do to stop my doubts.

even when i'm angry at him, he still throws all his love on me.

he promised me he'd never leave me.

he trusts me.

he loves me so much that not only would he lay his life down for me, but he did.

he has never broken my heart, but loves those who do.

he knows all of my secrets.

he knows everything i've done.

he holds me tight when i'm falling apart.

he sings to me everyday.

he made the sun shine for me today.

he reminds me of his promises when he throws up a rainbow.

he's my best friend in the whole world.

so i won't worry about tomorrow because i'm trusting in him. my heart is his.

brutal.

i sometimes wish that i was the kind of person who brutally fights for what they want. not just when you go to a shop and fight for those size nine heals that you saw first. not just fighting to be with someone that you love. but fighting the good fight like paul wrote about in the bible. i want to be brutal. i want to be fierce. i would love to be intimidating. but really, most of all, i would love to be the kind of person who fights for what they want. there are things i want that i let slip away because being passive is easy, losing things is easy, once their lost it's hard to accept that, but fighting can be scary. and i have my fears, so many of them. so i want to be brutal and fight. i want to fight for what i want. and what i want is to have a heart for what God wants. 

GOD WANTS:

- everyone to encounter his love

- everyone to have a home

- everyone to live in freedom

- everyone to be released into his joy

- everyone to be fed

- everyone to have water

- everyone to be free of addictions

- everyone to be free from sickness

i want to want what God wants. i want to fight for it. i want to fight for justice so that every person can live under the freedom that comes from Christ and what he did. i want to fight for his love so that all can encounter it and know it, carrying that love inside me and allowing it to over flow into every aspect of my life. i want to fight for joy when happiness and other things in the world fail, for the joy of the lord to be the strength of the people, my strength. i want to fight for equality so that every person can have a meal, so that no one will go hungry and they will have the availability to the right of food. i want everyone to have clean water so that children won't die of sicknesses that are brought on by unclean water. i want to fight for a world that is free of addiction because in the kingdom of heaven there is no addiction and i am living within the kingdom. i want to fight for people to be healed from sickness in the name of Jesus because no matter where we are healing is in his hands.

"anyone who sets himself up as religious by talking a good game is self deceived. this kind of religion is hot air and only hot air, real religion, the kind that pleases God the Father is this: reach out the homeless and the loveless and guard against corruption from the Godless world, I can't stand your religious meetings, I'm fed up with your conferences and conventions, I want nothing to do with your religion projects, your pretentious slogans and goals. I'm sick of your fundraising schemes and public relations and image making. I've had all I can take of your noisy ego music when was the last time you sung to me? do you know what I want, I want justice, oceans of it, I want fairness, rivers of it. that's what I want. that's all I want."

While women weep, as they do now, I'll fight; while little children go hungry, as they do now, I'll fight; while men go to prison, in and out, in and out, as they do now, I'll fight; while there is a drunkard left, while there is a poor lost girl upon the streets, while there remains one dark soul without the light of God, I'll fight-I'll fight to the very end!

-- william booth

so let's get brutal. the kingdom of heaven is forcefully advancing. and forceful people take hold of it. let's be brutal.

new song again.

so this is my twenty minute effort of writing elsie a song.
she didn't ask me to write her a song.
that would be pathetic.

enjoy :)

Jesus Wins

.i was thinking in the car about what my testimony is.




i've grown up in the salvation army, with parents who have served and lived within the army as well. growing up i've been blessed to grow up being taught about Jesus and who he is and what he did, what that means for me and the whole world. 
when i was eight years old i had my first (that i recall) personal encounter with God, it was at the Hillsong Conference in Sydney. from then i prayed all the time and loved being at church worshipping with my family and friends. i still remember standing next to mum listening to her sing the harmonies in all the songs. 
so i had a lot of head knowledge of what it was to be a Christian and what it meant to be saved. there was a lot of knowledge and i loved to learn about God but it was always more head than heart.
when i was sixteen i went to eastern victoria youth councils, there i sat, talking to God, telling him to move in my friends lives, because they clearly needed him and weren't close to him. then all of a sudden i felt an overwhelming sense of Gods voice telling me that i needed him too. so with the song 'it is well with my soul' being sung by all the campers i fell to my knees in tears and repented and asked God to completely enter me. i gave him everything. that was an amazingly smart decision :)
life was not perfect after that, i struggled with friendships, with family situations, with school, self doubt, there was a lot that i still struggled with, but God had my heart and that was good.
when i was seventeen, in november and december of 2010, i was all of a sudden hating everything. i was angry all the time. everything and anything set me off, i'd yell, i'd cry. it got to the point where i couldn't sleep in my room. i was actually scared to be in my room, luckily my sisters room was right next door and she was rarely in it. and when she was, there was the couch. so at the time, it was great coz i didn't have to worry about going in my room a lot coz i had other places to sleep. one night me and my mum were at a dinner party and i just sat there, mum knew stuff was going on, that something was wrong. but i couldn't talk about it, i had no words, i just hated everything. the worst i can remember this all getting was one night when mum came into my room with me and asked me if i wanted to talk about whatever was scaring me, i said no. she asked if we should pray, i was even more scared and said no, walked out and said i had to go have a shower. looking back, it's hard to believe that i could ever be in such a dark place, but i lay on the floor of my shower and the thoughts of fear and hatred kept flooding in, i didn't want to live anymore. for whatever reason.
so.positive thing. when all of this was 
going on, and i was scared and felt no 
connection to God i still would sing praises
to him. all the time. at every church service,
at every event, in the car, i would still sing
praises to God. and that's because even 
though i could not feel him, the knowledge
of his existence was enough for me. in my
moment of utter desperation and loneliness
the fact that i didn't think i could feel God
wasn't the issue. his existence was worthy
of praise. my perception of absence from
his presence sucked. but i still would worship
in whatever way i could, his goodness never
ended. his love for me never ended. even 
when i felt like dying. he is the same every day.


okay, so at commissioning 2010, all this was going on and as i had been doing a lot i was in tears, my friend hannah was with me and was like... yo man what's happening? my old youth pastor was found and he came over and spoke to me. he asked me what was going on and i told him how scared i was and how crap everything was. how i was too scared to sleep in my room. he asked me if i'd been praying, i said yeah. he asked to who, i looked up and said... to, um... him. he looked at me again and said... to WHO? from what i'm told, my face looked like not my face, it had rebelion in it. i couldn't say the name of Jesus. i was prayed for and by the end of the time these people were praying for me, i just kept saying 'Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...' it was great! 
after this i went into my room with someone and we prayed, trying to figure out what it was that had scared me out of my room. after praying and praying, a book came to both our minds. this book had talked about evil spirits, witchery, things that are not of God. i stopped reading this book after reading about this girl who was dabbling in these things (the girl did turn her life around into the hands of God, HALLELUJAH!) but i didn't read up to that bit, i stopped at the evil stuff she did get into. i took the book outside, tore it up, burnt it. got rid of it. 
JESUS JESUS JESUS JESUS.


i think that something that i learnt from this, less than fun experience. is that spiritual warfare is so so so real. but that we have full victory in Jesus. in the bible it says that every power on earth and in the spiritual world is commanded by the name of Jesus. time and time again this is shown in the bible and in the world today.


so where i'm at now, testimonily... well:

i am chosen. i am free. i am living in the kingdom. for the kingdom. for Christ. 
Jesus won. Jesus wins. Jesus is winning.